Scars
by ariellebea
Summary: He wasn't sure how long he'd be sitting in this rigid chair - or just how much of his story he'd be telling to a stranger, but nonetheless, secrets will be coming from his gaped tooth mouth.
1. I Write Sins Not Tragedies

"Thank you for coming, Eli." She said to me, as I sat down in that chair, I didn't know it yet, but I was going to have a lot of deep conversations in that chair. She had this smile on her face, a really soothing one, her glasses pushed up to the top of her nose, head tilted down, as she looked at her notepad. "Well, this is your first session. I figured you should tell me anything you'd like." She said nodding a few times as I stared at her blankly. What did she want me to say? I must've forgotten. A few minutes passed, and I hadn't said a word to her. "Eli?" she asked, as she tilted her head and her glasses slid down her nose a little. "Are you going to say anything?" she questioned.

"I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say." I said, shrugging very lightly, looking over at her. "Do you want me to talk about myself? Tell my life story? Isn't this only an hour session?" I questioned, coming off almost cocky and annoyed. She let out a sigh.

"If we don't get finished with what we were talking about, we can continue it in a few days, alright?" she said, trying to smile over at me. "You'll see me three times a week, I'm sure that's enough time for you to tell me everything you'd like to tell me. Start from wherever you'd like."

I sighed, thinking about it for a few seconds. "Alright." I said finally as I figured out what I was to say to her. "I guess, it all started out around the third grade, we moved to Barrie, a little ways off from here – and Bullfrog and CeCe sent me to some private Catholic school. They made us learn French, and pray to Mary and stuff, I didn't do it, I hate religion. Everything was okay; I just went along, blended in, went to school, learned, and came home every day. Nobody really bothered me until about the fifth grade…

"You're not going to listen, I'll make you listen." He said, holding me up by my private school polo collar, shoving me against the brick wall. "I'll teach you to listen." He said, as he punched me over and over in the stomach. I just let him, I didn't fight back – to be honest, I didn't know how to fight back. Nobody had taught me. "Are you going to listen?" he yelled, and as I was about to squeak out words, the bell rang, and down I fell onto the ground as he let go of my collar and ran off back to class. That was the third time this week Mike had tried to beat me up – or, did beat me up. _Eli, fight back, you can, just take your fists and hit him back. It shouldn't be too hard. It probably isn't. _I would always tell myself, but I'd never have the will to hit him back. No matter how fast I ran, he was always faster, no matter how much I tried to fight back he just beat me harder, more. It was the worst. I came home every day with bruises all over my arms, stomach, legs, face, anything he could get his hands on and bruise – was bruised. I never told CeCe or Bullfrog, I didn't want them to worry. I doubt they would've cared anyway, maybe Bullfrog would've told me to fight back, kick his ass, something encouraging like that, and CeCe would've bandaged up my wounds, but it didn't matter, I'd still get beaten even more the next day.

And then it came the end of the fifth grade, when we'd be graduating into the junior high section of that backwater Catholic school. We'd have to attend church every week, speak fluent French, and take communion with the chapel, and every morning with our Bible teacher. The only upside to that, was that we'd drink from real wine – and you can imagine how any young boy thought about that. Or maybe it was just everyone I knew. Beside the point, it was the last day of school, and we were graduating, another thing, was Bullfrog, CeCe, and I were moving. Thank God we were moving. Thank anything we were moving. Away from Mike, away from anyone around here I couldn't stand it. The last day of school, and Mike said he was going to give me one last beating before the summer. You could probably understand how nervous I was, being nine years old and all. Being told I'm about to get pounded by the guy who had been tormenting you your entire school year. He told me right after the ceremony it was going to go down. But that was kind of a problem. We were leaving _directly _after the ceremony. I didn't want to come off as a pussy – when in reality I was a complete and total pussy. I couldn't fight him. I didn't want to die trying either. But I couldn't blow it off and leave him hanging, especially since that'd be the last he'd ever see or hear from me. He'd probably think I skipped town, being so afraid to fight him. No – I had to stand up for myself and do it. Fight back. So all day before the ceremony, I practiced pretending to punch things in the mirror before it was put into the moving truck. And after that, I just stopped, and mentally prepared myself. Mentally preparing myself, meaning I snagged Bullfrog's box of playboy magazines and admired them until the ceremony.

"And welcome, Saint Carl's, graduating grade five class of 2005!" Mrs. Hamilton, the principle said as she waved us out the door of the Multi-Purpose Room, probably wanting to get us out as quick as possible. Bullfrog and CeCe stood admirably next to Bullfrog's car, his arm around her waist, waving me over with proud grins, but I couldn't go yet. I had unfinished business to take care of – Mike. I held up a finger and weakly smiled as I walked around the building to find Mike and his gang of bullies waiting for me, literally _waiting _for me.

"Look who showed up! Little Gapsworthy!" they mocked, laughing. I clenched my fists, gritted my teeth, getting ready to take him down – or at least, try. "C'mon." they said as they walked towards me. Before they could even touch me, I swung at Mike, swiping my fist across his face, actually knocking some teeth out of his mouth, as he fell to the ground. I must've hit him right in the jaw or something to hurt him so hard. He was bleeding everywhere. The rest of the group stared at me, as I stood there completely confused about what I had just done – or how I had done it. And in a flash, they all took off as fast as they could, running like children away from me. I heard one of them scream "TEACHER!" and I knew why they were _really _running. My parents, stood there looking at me and Mike crying on the ground in pain. Disappointment flashed across their faces. _I'm dead. I'm dead. _I thought to myself. Bullfrog walked up to me and grabbed me by the arm, yanking me back to the car, telling me how horrible that was of me to do. Honestly, I didn't care. I had actually fucking stood up for myself and I thought that was all that mattered.

…

"Look's like the hours up, Eli." She said as I snapped out of my flashback of telling her my childhood and nodded. She put her small clipboard in her briefcase and smiled at me. "You can continue your little life story on Thursday, alright?" she said as she looked up, noticing her next therapy session was about to start.

"Okay, cool." I said, standing up out of the chair, "I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name." I said, swallowing a little as I looked back at the leather chair I had been sitting in.

"You may call me Miss Emily, Eli." She said, trying to wave me out the door. "I'm sorry I have to shoo you out, but you see my next patient is here." The word _patient _kind of upset me. I wasn't sick. Or, was I?

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Wanna be a sweety and review? xoxo-Arielle and Bea<strong>


	2. Camisado

"All I really can recall about grade seven was meeting her." I told Miss Emily at our next session. "Her sitting at her desk the thirtieth day of school. I remember the day too, which was surprising. It was a Thursday, my sixth period. And it all started the day Miss Gorman was sick of Katie Matlin bothering the hell out of her."

"All right, all right I'm done! I'm done! Julianna you go sit next to Mr. Goldsworthy!" Miss Gorman yelled pointing to the empty seat beside me. I shot my head up and my mouth went dry. The girl that picked up her stuff and moved towards me was beautiful. I averted my eyes, so it wouldn't look as if I was staring, but hell, I was staring. She practically threw her stuff down beside me in a fit and slammed her head down on the desk and groaned. Miss Gorman gently placed a detention slip onto her head and walked away. I kept having these urges to touch her, and find out about her. I didn't want to be the awkward kid that didn't know who he was sitting next too. To be honest, I hadn't said one word in that class all thirty days of school. In fact, the only class I had spoken in, was my fourth period English class. I never really wondered what anyone ever thought of me. I glanced over at her, thirteen minutes later, and her head was up from her desk and she was drawing on her nails with sharpie. I had always thought about doing that, but I had remembered in the grade three when Mrs. Moore told me that was terrible for my fingers and to stop this instant. My style had changed a lot since elementary school, considering I could wear whatever the hell I wanted now. It was now hand-me-downs my father had given me. His old leather jacket from the 80's, a pair of black jeans, and four of his Dead Hand shirts. Bullfrog had gotten me into Dead Hand, as that was the most popular band he played on his station. My dad was a shock-jock on Solid Rock 98. It was rare CeCe ever played a different station in the car, or when we were home, it was a surprise to see the radio off. The only time it would ever be off, and you wouldn't hear Bullfrog's croak coming from the radio was when the two were fighting – which also, was incredibly rare for the two of them. You would never see a couple more in love than my parents.

Then she looked at me, and I quickly looked away, my eyes looking down at her shoes. She wore a long black dress, which hung down to the ankles of her feet, where she wore two different shoes. One orange converse high-top, and one purple Vans.

"What?" she hissed. I instantly froze, and my eyes slowly moved back up to the top of her, looking at her face.

"Most girls don't wear two different colored shoes…" I choked out. To be honest – I hadn't hit puberty yet.

"Most guys don't wear eyeliner, but you are, aren't you?" she retorted back at me, as she rolled her eyes and went back to sharpie-ifying her nails.

"You know…that's really bad for you." I said to her.

"Cool." She practically laughed. Why was I still talking to her? She wasn't interested, anyone could see. Not that I wanted her to be interested in me. I didn't need friends. I didn't need anyone in my life. "I could care less what's bad for me or not. We're all going to die one day, and if I die from toxins influenced from a sharpie – so be it. That's how I'm supposed to die."

"Deep." I said, sarcastically, without thinking as I instantly wanted to cover my mouth. I didn't mean to say that – it just came out, it's what I was thinking. She scoffed, and turned her head away from me. "Sorry." I mumbled, and shook my head. "I didn't mean to say that. I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot." I repeated and turned my body away from her. I had obviously pissed her off, and I didn't want to continue to bother her. If I was, it was the last thing I wanted to do, bother a pretty girl.

"It's…whatever." She said finally as she turned back to me. "I'm already over it."

"Your names Julianna, right?" I asked. She spat.

"No, it's _Julia. _Miss Gorman doesn't know shit." Julia said as she rolled her eyes. "I don't know where she got that name. But all Miss G matters aside, I am Julia Moore, twelve years old, almost thirteen and I have a high imagination for seeing crap. If you'd like to put up with me, you can fill out an application here." And she suddenly out of nowhere pulled out a piece of paper with a few words scribbled down. The girl didn't know how to have proper hand writing, I could barely make out the words, but I did my best to figure it out. "Hand that in by tomorrow, okay kid?" she said as she bell rang and she sprang up from her seat and flew out the door. What was it that made her so mysterious to me? I slowly stood up from my desk as people pushed me out of the way to get out the door, and stared at the girl that practically skipped away to her locker. Why was I so intrigued? I didn't care what it was but everything inside of me told me to be her friend. I was definitely going to fill out her application. At the top was written, _Companion Application. _And it had several columns for me to fill out, and I was going too, the moment I got home I was going to invest all my time into filling that paper out.

"Okay, you got your application?" she asked me the next day, as I slowly pulled it out of my binder and handed it to her. "Ah-ha!" she said as she snatched it from my hand and began to scan her eyes down it. Were my answers okay?

_**Companionship Application**_

**Name: **Elijah James Goldsworthy

**Age: **Twelve and a half.

**Classes we have together: **Miss Gorman (More like Miss Boreman)

**How much time you plan to spend with me: **Lunchtime? And sometimes after school if I don't bother you too much.

**What's your favorite food: **Macaroni and cheese.

**Favorite television show: **Family Guy.

**Favorite movie: **The Breakfast Club.

**Favorite band: **Dead Hand and Panic! at the Disco.

**Interesting Facts: **My Dad's a shock jock on Solid Rock 98, and I'm allergic to turtles.

**Anything Else you'd like me to know: **You have pretty eyes.

Julia slowly looked up at me and bit her lip. "I have pretty eyes, eh? I hope you're not some guy just trying to get into my pants." She said as she looked down. I think she was embarrassed. I think she actually thought I didn't want to be her friend – that I was only there to get with her.

"I'm not." I said truthfully, as I looked up at her nervously. "I hope I don't come off as one of them. I'm not." I repeated as I tried to smile. A smile curled onto her lips and she actually began to grin at me.

"Well, then you're application has been accepted. Hello there, companion." She said sweetly as she reached out and shook my hand. We both felt it. The wave of electricity that shook both of our hands as we quickly pulled away and stared at our shocked hands. Julia tried to play it cool, as she sarcastically scoffed at me. "Gee, thanks Goldsworthy, you shocked me." She said as she laughed. She played it off, but we both felt it. We both felt the connection that we had just shared together.

I knew we both felt it.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Wanna be a sweety and review it? xoxo - Arielle and Bea<strong>


	3. Time To Dance

The seventh grade was about to end, we only had about a week left. Julia and I had gotten pretty close. And by close – I mean eating our lunch together. I figured I better pluck up the courage and ask her out before somebody else does. But I had never really had any luck with girls, or anything at all. In the third grade, the girls would call me _Gapsworthy _because of the gap in my front teeth. Clever, right? Very clever. I never even tried with girls. I was the shy kid that sat in the back and the teacher would mark me absent on occasion because she didn't even notice I was around. So I did, I invited her over to watch a movie and play monopoly. Those were my exact words. "Do you want to come over Friday night? Watch a movie? Play monopoly?"

And she said yes.

"How do you play monopoly?" she asked, picking up the play money and crinkling it in her fingertips. "It's stupid and pointless. Let's do something else." She said, gazing around my living room. I wasn't sure what to do, so I reacted as if I thought someone in a porn flick, or one of Bullfrog's playboys would.

"Want to go up to my room?" I said, my voice cracking – fucking puberty. She raised her eyebrows and shrugged.

"Okay." She said standing up as we began walking up my awkward creaking stairs. It reminded me a bit of myself. The awkward and creaking. When we walked inside I wasn't sure what do to. "Want to play truth or dare?" Thank God she suggested something. I thought I might die of nerves. We both sat down on my black bedspread as she looked around my empty room. White walls. Desk in the corner, bed against the wall. It was so plain.

"Okay, sure." I said. _Truth or dare, yeah, yeah I can do that. Be smooth Eli, be smooth. _My palms were sweating, my heart was racing, and my ears were ringing. I had never been this close to a girl before, in my room, sitting on my bed, about to play truth or dare with me. "T-truth or dare?" I squeaked out, stuttering.

"Hmmm…truth." I sat there thinking completely silent for about an entire minute. "C'mon now!" she urged. I coughed, looking down. She was rushing me, now I was even _more _nervous than before.

"What's the most exciting thing you've ever done?" I blurted out; it was the first thing to come to mind. She gave me a soft smile and bit her lip, thinking. Usually in all my life, I've thought girls were disgusting – I didn't even think about them. But in this moment, this exact moment. I had completely fallen for Julia Moore.

"The most exciting thing I've ever done?" she said, repeating the question. "I haven't done many exciting things." She admitted. "I suppose back when I was nine, I road an elephant at the Toronto fair. I know it's cheesy, but that's the best I've got.  
>I smiled, that was cute. <em>She <em>was cute, to be honest. Her messy brown locks hung over her shoulders, her shiny blue oceanic orbs staring back at me. She must've known I was staring. She cocked her head to the side with a confused look. "Eli?" she asked, a small smirk stuck on her face. "I said truth or dare." I must not have heard her.

"Oh," I said, shrugging, my cheeks burning up on the inside, I hoped they weren't turning red on the outside. "Truth I guess."

"Truth!" she said, pursing her lips. "You're no fun. Okay," she thought for a few moments then smiled. "What's the worst argument you've gotten into with your parents?"  
>I thought about it. Bullfrog CeCe and I didn't usually get into fights. They let me be. I didn't want to lie, but I didn't want to seem like a good-two-shoes kind of guy. I certainly didn't dress like one. I didn't want to come off as one.<p>

"Worst fight." I said sighing. "Bullfrog told me not to touch his car back when I was eleven. But I did it anyway. I tried to drive, actually. He whooped my ass." I said smirking. Smirking. I never smirked. What was this? What was this girl doing to me? Making my lips curl up in an uneven fashion, and a chuckle came out of my mouth. I didn't know what she was doing to me. But I fucking liked it. I glanced over to see a small laugh coming out of her mouth. "What about you? Your worst fight?" I asked, feeling a bit more confident in myself, or at least I did until her expression changed. It was a little solemn, and she looked down at her hands, which she was wringing in her lap.

"We're fine." She said softly. "My mom and I are fine."

I didn't want to push her. I could tell she didn't want to talk about it. "Alright." I whispered, "Truth or dare?" I asked, trying to change the subject as quickly as possible.

"Dare."

"I dare you too…" I looked around my room. I wasn't sure what to do. Be cool? Be lame? "Eat this." I said, handing her a three year old chocolate from Halloween when I was Batman. Good year for candy, to be honest.

"Gross!" she said, taking the small chocolate from my hands, very lightly brushing my skin with her fingertips. She unraveled the chocolate foil wrapping with her sharpie painted fingernails and looked up at me with disgust. "You're gross." She said with a laugh as she threw the chocolate into her mouth and winced while she chewed. "Disgusting."

"Perfect." I replied with a laugh. "I pick truth again." I said leaning back against the headboard, glancing over at her sitting right beside me. I had begun to feel comfortable with her. Like I didn't mind telling her anything she wanted to know. I felt like she was calming. She was the girl – more talkative - version of me. Just for some reason when I looked into her eyes. I could see myself staring back at me with a soft smile.

"Where's the coolest place you've ever been?"'

"When I was seven." I said, beginning the story of mine and CeCe's trip to London, to see her dying great aunt. She didn't live. I didn't know why I had gone, but I'm glad I did. It was a really wonderful experience for me. I could actually be myself with CeCe. "CeCe took me to London." Her eyes got wide with excitement.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"That's so cool, Eli."

I nodded, smiling a little. "Thanks." I said softly.

"Dare."

Why'd she have to pick dare? I want to get to know her. I really did. I wanted to ask her questions about herself, her life. Anything. Everything.

"I dare you to sing for me." I said. I honestly didn't know where that came from, but I was nervous. Really, nervous. What if that was the wrong type of dare? What if she was pissed? What if-

"Okay." She said, clearing her throat and sitting up a little, as a beautiful voice began to come out of her lips. "_Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been." _She sang. I coughed softly to myself, wondering if I should sing along with her. CeCe had always told me I had a good voice, but besides her – nobody had heard me sing – ever.

"_All the lonely people_." I began to sing with her.

"_Where do they all come from? All the lonely people. Where do they all belong?_"

And to be honest – our voices sounded beautiful together. And to be honest - I didn't want to stop singing with her. And to be honest – I was falling head over heels for this girl. Once we had finished, we both kind of stared at each other for a few minutes, almost in awe of our harmonies together.

"Truth." I finally whispered, after a few moments of silence between us.

"What's the biggest lie you've ever told?"

I sighed, thinking about all the lies. And when I say _all the lies _I don't mean a lot. I tend to stick to honesty. To sound like a nerd – Honesty is the best policy. All I could recall was when Bullfrog had asked me a few years back if I knew where his Playboy magazines were. I told him I didn't. I knew. Oh God I knew, they were under my bed and I'd pull them out every night and admire them. Maybe once when CeCe asked if her apple pie tasted okay for the minister, when in reality it tasted like shit. And maybe once more when Sister Caroline asked if I had prayed to Mary one morning

All lies.

"To be honest, I don't know what the worst lie I've ever told is, I try to be honest as much as I can. But I've stolen Bullfrog's playboys, his big box. He had asked me if I had taken them, and I said no – obviously. I didn't want to die." She laughed, I guess I was funny.

"You like-a-da-ladies, Eli?" she said, still laughing at me. "That's a little gross – but what should I expect? You're a growing boy." She shrugged and her laugh toned down to a giggle. "Truth."

"How far have you gone with a guy?" I asked. I was curious – I didn't want to have to be a completely in-experienced guy for an experienced girl. Not that there would be anything I could do to make myself more experienced. Why would a girl talk to me anyways?

"Uhm." She stammered, she stopped and shrugged. "I haven't uhm…I haven't had my first kiss yet." She looked away, her voice a low whisper. "Don't laugh, okay? I'm sure you've kissed a girl. Probably several." I shook my head.

"No, Julia." I whispered back to her. "You're the first girl to ever give me the time of day." I replied truthfully, trying to give her a smile. "I've never kissed anyone – don't feel stupid."

"Wait – What!" she asked. "Truth or dare!" she yelled, I picked truth. "Why have you never tried with a girl, Elijah?" I scowled at her and she laughed. "Sorry, _Eli._"

"I was always too scared." I shrugged. "Girls always hated me. Called me Gapsworthy." I showed her my front teeth, and the small gap between the two middle front teeth of mine. "Shorty, Goth kid, Emo boy…" I shrugged again. "I always ignored it. If I didn't try, I wouldn't have to be rejected. What would it be like to be rejected, anyways? I didn't want to know. I still don't." she gave me a sympathetic look, a sad one as if the fact I was afraid to talk to girls practically shattered her heart.

"Eli, girls aren't scary." She said softly. "Well…I suppose some are."

"They are to me." I replied. I shrugged lightly, thinking in my head of a truth and a dare to ask her. All I kept wondering was why she said she never got into fights with her parents. "Truth or dare." I said as Julia ran a hand through her hair, and smiled, speaking the words 'truth' out to me. "Why do you say you never get into fights with your mother? And be honest. You _can _tell me." I reassured her. Julia fiddled with her hands in her lap. She didn't look up at me. After moments of silence she finally spoke:

"She beats me."

Silence. Dead silence. Complete and total silence – you could hear crickets. No, it was even too quiet for that. Her mother beats her. We were only thirteen years old and her mother beats her. It all made sense. The dark clothing. Wearing tons of clothes in 80 degree weather. She was hiding her bruises. She was hiding her scars. The scars her mother had given her. "I don't think it's her fault." Julia began. "She's usually not sober…except for those few times. But I doubt she does it on purpose…or that she enjoys it. I mean, I'm her daughter. She…she loves me."

"You can't let her hurt you like that, Julia." I said sternly, as if a wave of protection had swept over me. And I felt as if it were my job to keep her safe and out of harm. I was her protector. "You have to tell the police."

"No!" she cried in fear. "She's my mother – I can't!"

"Julia, you have too. She could really abuse you."

"No, I can't lose my mother. She's the only person I have left!"

"Now you have me." I said, noticing the terrified look in her eyes. "If you don't, I will."

"Eli! Please don't!" she cried, it looked as if tears were welling up in her ocean blue eyes, but she shook them away and replaced them with a look of pure anger and rage. "Don't you dare! I will never speak to you again, Elijah Goldsworthy. I never should have told you in the fucking first place!"

More silence fell upon us. It was that moment I instantly felt guilty for asking the question in the first place. The two of us sat in solemn silence for a few minutes, unsure of if I should speak, or wait for her to speak, or what would or…should, go on between us. "Truth or dare." She finally spoke.

"Dare"

And faster than I could blink, her lips were pressed up against mine. My eyes were wide open, almost scared out of my mind. She didn't just do this, did she? But after a few seconds everything seemed perfect, and I closed my eyes and enjoyed the soft kiss she had given me. We stayed there, in the same position for the longest time. And finally we got into an incredible momentum. My lips overlapping hers – hers the same to mine. We were kissing.

Fuck –

I was kissing.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Wanna be a sweety and review it? xoxo - Arielle and Bea<strong>


	4. I Have Friends In Holy Spaces

"It's wonderful how much you've opened up to me, Eli." Miss Emily told me. It had been two weeks into our sessions so far. I had gone twice a week – Mondays and Thursdays. I had gotten used to hearing her pen tap tapping on her notepad, and her eyes glancing up at me, her glasses sliding down her nose, and then seeing her quickly push them up again and write something else down. It had become a usual thing to hear her laugh softly at something I'd say that was slightly funny, and watch her expression change when things weren't so funny. "It's kind of like you're telling me your childhood love story. Hearing about your first date and such."

"No, no, Miss Emily. That was not our first date." I corrected with a small smile. "That was _definitely _not our first date." Miss Emily raised her eyebrows.

"And what w_as _your first date, Eli?" she asked. I let out a laugh. "Our first date. Well it started out not our first date – the two of us weren't even a couple until the last day of school…"

…

"Okay, I don't get it." A boy said, waving his hands around at Julia and I. "You two hang around like you're dating. But you're not." He waved his hands one more time, and turned on his heels walking away from us. I swallowed and glanced over at Julia who wasn't paying attention, painting her nails with sharpie. I quickly grabbed the sharpie from her and smiled.

"I'm pretty sure I told you this was bad for you." I said as I noticed a smile curl up on her lips.

"And I'm pretty sure I told you I didn't care." She replied as we both smiled at each other. If we had been dating, and we were truly a couple, I would've done everything in my power to crash my lips against hers and kiss her to my hearts consent. It was a cute little moment, the two of us mildly flirting with each other, or at least our eyes were. A few other kids were staring at us, including the boy from minutes before.

"You're lying, you're fucking lying. You two are dating. You're dating!" they yelled.

"We're not." I corrected, as I gulped for a second, before I shook my head. Julia had taken the sharpie from my hand again and began to draw on her fingernails.

"I'm not going to believe it." The one boy said. "And if you are, you do a bad job at pretending you're not."

"They do a _terrible _job." Another said

"Seriously – I'd think you two were dating in a second." A few others said.

"You know what!" I said finally, as I stood up from the small lunch table Julia and I were sitting at. I quickly stood up onto the seat of the lunch table, then onto the table itself and threw my arms out wide towards everyone. "We are. Julia Moore and I are a couple." I heard her sharpie rolling around on the pavement. I couldn't look at her. "I like Julia Moore a lot, and I hope she likes me just as much as I do. We're a couple and you can all leave us alone now!" I heard a few kids mutter that they knew it, that it was obvious, but they all began to walk away.

"So." I heard Julia mutter as I sat back down beside her, the moment growing awkwarder and awkwarder. "We're a couple now?" she asked, I saw her head turn towards me and she lightly smiled.

"Yes…" I whispered.

"Well, you better take me out on a proper date, Goldsworthy." Julia said as I noticed her stand up from her seat at the table. "I'll be at your house at seven." I knew she was walking away. Shit. Shit. I had a date with Julia Moore. Shit. Shit. What do you do on a date? Bullfrog had to work overtime at the radio station, so once the bell had finally rang I practically sprinted home. And once I had made it home, it was just my luck that the front door was locked. It's not like I had forever to come up with the perfect date idea. I had never been on a date before – I didn't know what a date what supposed to be like. I figured I'd Google it.

I hopped over the fence to the back door – also locked I looked around for an open window. Not the kitchen – not the living room – not the bathroom, but there up another story high was my bedroom window which I had left open for the black cat that seemed to wander in and out on occasion. I climbed up the side of the building, careful of my footing. I had never done this before. Today was a day for doing things I had never done before. And hopefully I could do all of them right.

"Perfect first date ideas." I quickly typed into my old computer. _About 52,200,000 results (0.19 seconds) _the screen read – so I wasn't the only one clueless. Ideas popped up, fancy dinners, roller skating, movie dates, Wonderland? All seemed too expensive. Then there was one. Star Gazing. Though that was the corniest, cheesy, typical date idea in the book, that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to be the kind of guy that could be romantic if he tried. I'd grab a couple blankets – and we'd go lie on the roof and stare up at the sky. And before I knew it, it was almost seven.

"M-m-mom?" I stuttered, walking down the staircase, hearing the stairs creak under my feet.

"Yes dear?" CeCe asked, her head popping out of the kitchen.

"I'm going to be having a friend over…" she raised her eyebrows. "A…girlfriend."

"Oh!" she gasped, rushing over towards me. "My baby boy has a girlfriend?"

"Yes mom…"

"I need to take a picture of this moment!" she cried, dragging me into the kitchen and began searching for her digital camera. "Smile!" she flashed the camera, taking several snapshots of me.

"Mom…stop…" I nervously argued.

"What's her name? How old is she? Is she pretty?"

"Mom – please, stop." I begged.

"I should make a big dinner! And tell Bullfrog to wear a tie, oh, it has been so long since Bullfrog wore a tie."

"Mom! Enough" I yelled. CeCe became quiet. "I'm taking her up on the roof, we're going star gazing."

"Oh baby boy, your first date. You'll take her upon the roof and…and…"

"Mom, you're disgusting." I turned on my heels and ran up the stairs, hearing CeCe squeal from downstairs.

I stared at myself in the mirror in front of me. Oh God, what if I looked bad? What if I looked like a tool? I grabbed Bullfrog's old _Clash _shirt and pulled it over my head. I looked at myself again. I looked okay. I grabbed my leather jacket and slugged it over my shoulders. I looked better.

"Elijah!" I heard CeCe call. "Julia's here." Shit – it was already seven? I grabbed two blankets and started to run out the hallway, skidding to a stop before I would fall completely down the stairs. I sat up on the banister and began to slide down like I usually would, landing right in front of Julia.

"Hi." I whispered quietly to her. CeCe squealed and grabbed her camera.

"Smile, you two!" she yelled, pushing us together. I gently put my hand around her waist as I felt her body shiver. Was that because of my touch? We both smiled and stood for the pictures.

"Can we go now?" I asked. She waved us away.

"Yes, yes!" CeCe cried. "Go, now!" I took Julia's hand and started to walk up the stairs, seeing flashes from behind us, knowing CeCe was snapping pictures of us from behind.

"Ignore her." I whispered to Julia, hearing her giggle from behind me as we walked up. "So do you like heights? Or do they scare you to death?"

"Heights?" Julia questioned. "They're okay."

"Good." I said, my voice cracked. We headed for the bathroom, and she raised her eyebrows. "Trust me." I said as I opened the window to the bathroom and stared to climb in the windowsill and out, grasping the piping of the side of the house and lifting myself up. Once I was securely onto the roof I reached my arms down to her. "Hand me the blankets first." I said as the two blankets were delivered into my hands. I spread out the blankets onto the slanted roof and looked up for a moment, noticing how many stars were in the sky tonight…dozens.

"Well?" I heard Julia say, her voice soft and fragile. I smirked, bringing both hands down to help her up.

"Careful of your footing." I cautioned, as her hands moved into mine and I pulled her up. It was easy – she pushed, I pulled and the two of us were soon up onto the roof. "Piece of cake." I snapped my finger with a laugh once we were both up.

"So what are we doing?" Julia asked.

"Star gazing." I replied, sitting upon the blankets.

"Star gazing?" Julia questioned. "That's not cheesy _at all._" She sat down beside me.

"Cheesy good or cheesy bad?" I asked nervously.

"We'll see." She smiled a little as we both leaned back against the blanket. "What if we get cold?"

"Then we have this." I said pulling the other blanket over the two of us.

"What if we get tired?"

"Then you can sleep on me." I said quietly.

"You won't have a pillow." She replied with worry in her voice.

"Julia…" I said sternly. "Don't worry about me." She shivered a bit and moved closer to me, making my heart skip a beat. "Cold?" I stammered, Julia nodded. "I'll change that." I mumbled, sliding my hand underneath her, wrapping one of my hands around her waist to pull her closer.

"I like you, Eli." She whispered. "I really like you. You've been my best friend."

"You've been mine."

"I…" she stopped mid-sentence.

"What?"

"Nothing. Let's just watch the stars." So we did. And it felt like we had been there for house. Neither of us ever seemed to speak to each other, maybe a few "Did you see that star?" or a "Those stars look like a…" but beside that, there were no other words between us. It was as if neither of us really ever needed to talk to each other. Her head was gently laid upon my chest, and my hand around her waist. And when I'd breath in, I'd feel her head moving up and down on my chest And I could hear her sigh every few moments, and then she finally spoke.

"I feel so safe with you." She whispered. My heart practically melted. That's what I wanted. I wanted her to feel safe with me. I wanted her to trust me. I wanted to be her knight in shining armor, her protector. I wanted to be her best friend. And I suppose I had gotten what I wanted.

…

"That's all I can really say for today…" I said quietly as I stood from the leather chair. My heart was heavy, very heavy. Thinking about Julia usually did that to me. Thinking about Julia would usually cause me to fall into a sickly depression in which Adam would have to take care of me instead of being out at University – but things were much worse when I'd think about…

"That's quite all right, Eli." Miss Emily smiled, standing up from her seat to shake my hand graciously. "I'll see you next week, Eli, all right?"

"Yeah," I mumbled. "See you Monday." I put my hand on the doorknob to the hallway and sighed. This talking about Julia never seemed to be such a downer until now. I brought my hand to my pocket, taking out my cell phone and pressing it to my ear after pressing five – the speed dial for Adam. "Hey, Adam, could you come pick me up?" I asked. "I don't think it's such a good idea that I drive myself home tonight."


	5. Folkin' Around

"C'mon!" Julia yelled, pulling me by my left hand into the junkyard. "I'm just so fascinated by it, You have to help me fix it." She said as I held the tool box in my other hand, which was practically flying behind me. She pulled me quickly through the junkyard, as I flew behind her, laughing. "I found it six months ago, I'm so glad they haven't gotten rid of it." She pulled me up to an old beat up car.

A hearse – to be exact.

"This is amazing!" I exclaimed, putting the tool box down beside us and walking towards it, sweeping my hand across the dirty hood. "Hell yes we can fix it." I let go of Julia's hand and opened the dusty old hood, seeing dust and a few rats run out of the inside. Neither of us were afraid, or neither of us showed any fear. "Dammit." I muttered. There was no engine.

"We could find one?" Julia suggested, shrugging lightly.

"Definitely." I agreed, as I began to look around. "There's got to be one around here." We searched. The two of us looked around the old junkyard. We searched for maybe two hours looking for a stupid engine to fill our new hearse. It was maybe five o'clock at night, the sun was still high in the sky as it was summer, and we were both starting to give up hope on finding an engine for our new baby. Our stomachs were empty, our ideas were slowly fading, and our energy was slipping away.

"Eli!" Julia gasped, waving me over towards her as I quickly went over to her.

"Yeah?"

"I found it! I found one!" she pointed towards it. I began to push some of the other junk out of the way to pull it out.

"Help me carry it to the hearse." I said to her as we both began to pull the heavy engine out of the rubble.

"Here, let me get that side." She took the other side and we both weakly tried to carry it to the hearse. It took a long time, or at least it felt like a long time to me. Once we had it to the hearse, we looked it over. "It looks easy…" Julia said nervously.

"Hey, with us on the case, it should be!" I exclaimed, throwing my arm around her shoulders. We both got down on our hands and knees and began to fiddle around with it. The two of us rummaging through the engine and tinkering around with it. Messing up the parts with our wrenches, trying to figure out how to fix an old car. It had taken time, it took a lot of time. It was maybe even about an hour later, Julia leaned her head onto my shoulder and sighed. "Tired?" I asked with a smirk.

"More like hungry. It's already eighty thirty." It was past the time Bullfrog would be awake. He'd usually pass out around seven from being so tired working up new ideas for the radio show, and partaking in his radio show. CeCe was away in France visiting her sick sister, and Julia's mother… was a monster. "We don't really have a way home."

"We could…"

Our eyes both lit up. "Sleep in the hearse!" We both cried as I helped her stand, picking up the picnic basket. I opened the door and was surprised to see how clean it was inside. The leather seats were barely dusty, and from the mirror hung two felt yellow smiley-faces. "Looks legit." I said as a giggle suppressed Julia's lips, as the two of us stepped inside the hearse. I followed her in and sat down beside her, taking the picnic basket and opening it up, taking out the turkey sandwiches, handing her one, as I took a large bite of my sandwich. "Delicious!" I smirked, mouth full of food. She laughed and took a bite as she nodded quickly, almost excitedly.

"Did CeCe make this?" I shook my head, as a proud grin came onto my face.

"Me." I pointed to myself. "CeCe's in France, remember?"

"Right, she's bringing me back Crepe's. I almost forgot." We both ended up laughing and grinning, staring into each other's eyes. "Eli?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

It didn't hit me until after we had both said it. That she said that she loved me. And the words had flowed out of my mouth so easily as if it was the easiest thing to say. And it was true…I had fallen in love with this girl. All my thoughts were centered around her, all my dreams, my wants, my desires. It was all about Julia Moore. I had always hoped that she felt the same…and at this moment, I felt as if maybe she did feel the same.

I finished off my sandwich and wrapped my arm around her waist. She moved into me, her head on my chest as I leaned on the door. Her legs were on top of mine once I had laid them across the seat. I reached my arm down, picking up the blanket we had brought to sit on, as I laid it out across out bodies, taking my MP3 and putting one headphone in my ear, the other in hers. She took the MP3 player from my hands and began to scroll through my music, placing it on a song the two of us both knew rather well. _Folkin' Around, _by _Panic! at the Disco._

"This is…really romantic." She whispered as the music began to play into our ears.

"Sometimes I can be romantic." I responded to her.

"When you put your mind to it."

"I can be anything you want me to be."

"Just be you, Eli. That's just how I like you."

I closed my eyes.

"Goodnight, Julia."

"Goodnight, Eli."

Neither of us really went to bed any time soon. It was just the satisfaction of having the two of us clinging to each other. There was nothing in the world that could change my feelings for this girl. She had become my world. The two of us sat quietly for hours, neither of us had anything to say. It was the silence that brought us together – made us closer than we already were. And though we were both silent, I knew she was awake. As her breathing proved so. And moments before the clock would hit midnight, I felt her hand creep its way into mine. Our fingers locked, as if we were one.

She stirred a little. And we both had fallen asleep.

In the morning, the both of us had woken up. We both seemed to be a little groggy, but after a few small kisses, we were both awoken again, and ready to work on our ar. "We're going to name it, right?" I asked, as we both stood in front of the old hearse, my arm around Julia's waist and she leaned into me, one hand on her hip, and her head on my shoulder.

"That sounds like a good idea. What should we name it?"

"Him." I corrected.

"Oh, so he's a boy?" she questioned, I heard a laugh – no, it was more of a snort that came from her. Was she questioning _my_ logic?

"Yeah, it's a boy. He's a man, a real man." I smirked a little, as I glanced down at her. "So, any ideas for the name?"

"Something…dark." She said, as she unwrapped my arm from her as she walked closer to the hearse, looking it over, blowing the dust on the black hood. "Something mysterious." She turned and looked back over at me. "Mort means dead, I like that." She said, as she sucked in a breath. "But it's so…plain, Mort. Mort, Mort, Mort."

"How about…" I walked over and stood beside her, also eying the hood of the hearse, thinking of a more creative idea than Mort for her. "Morty." I said. She raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"That does sound better… a lot better." Julia said, her eyes twinkled, and she nodded in agreement. "I like that, Eli." She said, as she reached over towards me and took my hand. "I like that a lot. Morty it is."

"Hello, Morty. Welcome to the family." I said with a laugh, as I put both my hands on the hood to test how sturdy it was. It seemed all right, so I lifted myself up and sat upon the hood, taking both of her hands and helping her up on the hood as well. I looked over at her and smiled a little. "This was wonderful, Julia." I whispered, as I held her hand and toyed with her fingers in mine, which she was looking down at. "It was the best night of my life, I never thought I could be in love before…and then I met you, and…I am." I saw the blush on her pale cheeks and I knew I had said something she liked.

"Same with me…" she looked up at me, and stared into my eyes. "Remember our first date?" I nodded, interlocking our fingers. "And I was going to tell you something, but I stuttered, and didn't tell you."

"Yeah," I said, as I recalled what had happened. "What about it?"

"I was going to tell you, I felt like I might fall in love with you. But I chickened out. I didn't know what you'd think. I was scared you'd freak out like other guys would…thinking that a girl was maybe possibly on the road to loving them."

"Julia," I chuckled lightly. "When have I ever been like other guys?" I asked, as I leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I wouldn't have thought that – because I was already head over heels for you, Julia Moore. And I am even more now."

…

Though the memory had played in my mind, I couldn't bring myself to tell Miss Emily before I walked into our next session. I couldn't bring myself to share another loving memory between Julia and I. My heart would ache and break, and yet I was ready to tell her the terrible memory that came after that. I sat down on the chair and she smiled, taking the glasses that were hanging on her neck up to her eyes and smiled.

"Good afternoon, Eli." She said with almost a grin. "Did you have a nice weekend?


	6. It's Almost Halloween

"Did you have a nice weekend?" I was asked.

"No." I responded. "I never have good weekends anymore." I shrugged lightly.

"And why's that?"

"Miss Emily," I said quietly. "I'd rather just continue telling you. Telling you what happened next." Miss Emily nodded, bringing her pen to her clipboard as she looked up and smiled at me.

"Yes, Eli, go on."

"It was October of grade eight, and I had become a normal guy. My balls had dropped, I guess you could say, and over the summer my voice had deepened. I had toned down the black; I would wear – doing my best to dress like everyone else. I decided now I would try and fit in. Julia and I were inseparable; the two of us had spent probably the entire summer together, during our best to keep cool in the Toronto heat. She seemed to enjoy the fact I was so happy being able to try and make friends, but would change her view to angry once I would leave her for someone else. I suppose most guys would find that clingy and annoying, but not me. I love that she'd be upset. It was Halloween, and though everyone wanted to have parties that night – it depended on your level of class, and how big your house was, and whether you had a pool to decide who was to go to your party. A few people had even irked me to have my own party. But I was never a party person, I certainly wouldn't throw one myself.

…

"Eli, I'm throwing a Halloween party tonight, you should come." A guy in my third period offered.

"Can I bring my girl?" I asked. He bit his lip.

"Julia has shit with my girlfriend, doesn't she?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I think I can control her." I smirked. There was the resounding sound of the bell and we both stood from our chairs.

"So you'll be there?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Great." He patted me on the back. "See you later, man. Don't be afraid to dress up."

"Don't count on it!" I laughed as we both went opposite ways. And there was Julia, waiting directly outside my classroom so I could walk her to fourth period. I draped my arm around her shoulder. "Up for a Halloween party tonight?" I asked as I leaned in and quickly stole a kiss.

"Party? Since when is that our scene? Wouldn't you rather spend your Halloween in the hearse?"

"Oh, come on." I begged. "When have we ever gone to a party?"

"Uh, never! We hate parties, and we both know I hate people." She said as she moved her shoulders out from under my arm, as if telling me I wasn't going to get my way.

"Just this once, please? We can leave early and do anything you want." I said, holding open the door to her next class. She raised one eyebrow.

"Anything." She repeated.

"I promise." I kissed her once more.

"Okay – fine. A party."

"You're the best, I'll see you seventh period."

The rest of the day had flown by, seventh period was bliss, the two of us smiling at each other all period, and she tried to make me guess what her a_nything _was going to be. And although I had ideas in my little boyish head of mine, I didn't say any of them. After school, Julia and I had gone to my place to get ready for the party. Both of us dressed in our dark clothing, her hair laying gently on her shoulders. I walked up beside her and smiled. "You look beautiful, Julia." I told her.

"Oh stop it," she said walking away as she toyed with her hair again, a secret blush on her cheeks. "I'm not supposed to look beautiful, I'm supposed to look dark and scary." She shook her head and turned back to the mirror again to look at herself. She groaned a little. "Do we really have to go to this party? Can't we just stay home and throw our own little party...just the two of us?'

"No, Julia, we're going to this party." I said sternly as I took her hand in mine. "We'll have fun – I promise."

"Fine." She pouted, as I opened the door to my bedroom. "Well, we better have fun."

The party was just how I imagined it to be. A typical one like you'd see in the movies. Everyone dancing on each other, having a good time. I suspected someone had spiked the punch too, as everyone was tipsy. It was a typical high school party…for junior highers.

"Hey! Eli, you made it." The host said, handing me a drink. His view quickly shifted to Julia. "And uh, J." he said, tipping the Toronto Blue Jays baseball cap at her. Julia scowled, which practically scared him away, and as he walked off, I heard him mumble. "Fucking bitch…" I heard him mumble.

Julia crossed her arms and looked at me. "What?" I asked. She shook her head and stormed off to the nearest couch on the other side of the room – the dark half of the party. I could tell I had done something wrong, but I didn't know what I was supposed to do. This relationship had been a breeze so far, neither of us had ever gotten into a fight. Not even a small one. I began to follow after Julia, seeing her sit down in a couch in the corner, looking as dark as ever. But before I could make it to her, I was stopped by a girl dressed in a skimpy pink bunny costume. I guess this was the one day a year when girls could dress like skanks, and I wouldn't be able to say _Hey, you look like a skank._

Not that I even would anyway.

"You're Eli, correct?" her voice was slightly quiet over the load noise and music surrounding us.

"Yeah." I said, looking around the room, doing my best to look anywhere besides her chest. Her tits were everywhere.

"You've gotten a lot better looking since last year." She said stepping closer. And as she stepped closer – I took a step back. "You want to get out of here…maybe…"

"Hey, bitch!" Julia called, come up besides us, tapping the girls shoulder. "Let's keep our hands to ourselves, shall we?" she stood practically in front of me. "This is just maybe kind of _my boyfriend._"

"Julia…I…" the girl stammered.

"You what, Bianca?" Julia yelled, "You nothing, just get the fuck out of here!" she yelled, spitting in her face, as Bianca slithered away. I looked, embarrassed at Julia who walked back to the couch. What exactly just happened? I pretended as if it was nothing. As if it hadn't really happened. And I stood there waiting for Julia to blow up in my face – but she didn't. I just stood there awkwardly after walking towards her, waiting for my punishment. But nothing came. She just stared down at her hands. "What." She mumbled.

"I'm just waiting for you to be mad." I whispered. She looked up and shook her head.

"Why would I be mad because someone tried to talk to you?" she laughed. "I got rid of them, so it's fine."

"I could've handled it." I said.

"Are you kidding?" she laughed louder. "When have you ever stood up for yourself, Eli?" I looked down embarrassed. So it might've been true that I was too scared to stick up for me…for her. I couldn't stand up for anything. "See." She looked up and gestured towards me. "You agree."

"You've never acted like this before." I said quietly. "I've never seen this side of you…I don't like it."

"What are you talking about?" she retorted. "I'm _always _like this. Maybe not towards you, but to everyone else, yes. I'm the big scary girl that can scare away someone with a single glare. I'm not the perfect gothic princess you imagine, the one you see every day. You should know very well that inside of me there is a cavern where my dark monster lurks. I am Julia fucking Moore, who the fuck are you?"

Things were silent, and it seemed as if a crowd had gathered around us, and everyone had wanted to watch our argument.

"Julia…please, calm down…Go back to the Julia I love." I begged. "Go back to my Julia."

"Love?" she laughed again, a devious and maniacal laugh. "It's bullshit! I never meant it! When I said I loved you. I'm a big fucking liar!" she stood up in front of me. "Love? What's love anyway?"

The music had even stopped, and there was no noise whatsoever. I became nervous, waiting for Julia or…someone else to speak. But nobody did. The silence was thick – really, thick. It was eating away at me. I couldn't think straight, my heart was pounding, my ears were ringing… And within seconds I took off running in the other direction. Away from Julia, away from the party. I ran all the way out of the house – I ran all the way down the street – I ran all the way home. This was an argument, and because I didn't stand up for myself, I was a coward. A big stupid coward. This wasn't just any argument either. This was our first argument. And not only was it our first – it was a rather large one for a first one.

I threw the door to my house open and slammed the door behind me.

"Elijah?" CeCe called, as I saw her walking out of the living room towards me. "Is everything all right? You were only at that party for not even an hour."

"Yeah. I'm fine mom." I said, taking in a deep breath before I began to trudge up the stairs. "Fine." I mumbled once again.

…

"Julia and I didn't talk for a long time after that. And you'd think that after a simple fight – the two of us could make up instantly, maybe the next day since you thought we loved each other as much as we always said we did. But it wasn't as good as I hoped it'd be. We didn't talk for weeks – no, it wasn't just week. We didn't talk for almost a month. A month and fifteen days to be exact. It was pouring rain, December 15th, 2008 at about 6:39 p.m….


	7. Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have

**Just a warning - there _is _smut in this chapter, so if you're not a smut person, or would rather not read the smut. You could skip over this chapter if you'd like~**

**Be a sweety and review? xoxo - Arielle and Bea~**

* * *

><p>It was pouring rain, December 15th, 2008 at about 6:39 p.m. It was winter break, and I had just stepped out of my shower, and finished drying myself off with one of my red Christmas towel CeCe had brought back from France – it was unusually soft and that's what I loved about it. I had thrown some jeans and a t-shirt on and had been lounging in my room working on a horror story (it was the perfect weather for it, of course) when I heard the doorbell. Who could be at my front door on a Sunday in the pouring rain? I slid down the banister, trying to get downstairs. CeCe was out Christmas shopping, and Bullfrog was doing his job. I opened the door with a smile, but it quickly faded when I saw who stood in the doorway.<p>

"Julia…" I whispered, seeing her in my doorway. What was she doing here? I couldn't tell, but the storm pouring down behind her raged on and on with a loud swish of the wind and crash of the thunder.

"I'm sorry!" she yelled, so I could hear her over the roaring background. "About our fight! I didn't know what to do. We've never been in one before! I didn't know how to react…please, don't let this go on any longer…I…I love you, Eli."

I stared at her, did she…did she just say that? Did she mean it this time? Dragonflies built up in my stomach, which flipped and flopped as she had spoken the words. "You…you love me?" I stammered. I took her hand and pulled her soaking body inside the dark house.

"Yes, Elijah Goldsworthy. I love you. I really do. I really truly love you." She stared me down – her blue eyes shedding tears faster than I could keep up. "Don't…don't you love me?" Of course I did. My eyes welled up with this wet feeling – tears.

"Yes, Julia. I love you." I whispered back to her.

"Please, can we never argue again. I can't stand our argument…it was pointless, and I love you so much." She threw her arms around me, soaking me, but I didn't mind at all. I wanted to hold her for the rest of my life. I held her tighter and heard her shriek, and pull away from the hug. The horror I could see in her eyes, and I knew exactly what had happened.

"She beat you again…didn't she, Julia…" I whispered. She nodded slowly. "She hasn't beaten you in months, what happened?"

"I was smoking because I was sad. She was drunk and was furious so she threw me down the stairs."

_She threw me down the stairs – _

Rage overcame me. How could she? How could she hurt her? My love. How could she!

"Julia…" I whispered as I stepped closer to Julia and bit my lip. "Let me take care of you." I said softly. And I knew at this moment that this was the time. That tonight was the night. I stepped one step closer to her and looked into her eyes. "Let me make love to you." Julia's eyes grew wide as I could see the nervousness in her eye s- neither of us had barely gone past second base. But we had discussed it, and we both knew deep down that we wanted too. Julia nodded slowly as I stepped another step closer to her and looked directly into her eyes. My hands started to shake. Her and I were going to… we were going too…

Julia crashed her lips onto mine to start us off. A grin had mustered onto my face as I wrapped my shaking and nervous hands around her back. She had pulled herself off of me and took my hand, running up to my bedroom. We closed the door behind us and sat down on my bed. She placed her hands on my chest and moved them down to the bottom of my grey t-shirt, as she slowly started to pull it off of my body. I pulled off her wet sweater, throwing in onto the floor and taking the red towel from my shower earlier and started to dry off her upper body. She reached for my belt, her shaky hands removing it from me, unbuckling it and pulling it off. I reached for her pants, unbuttoning the single button as the two of us stood up in unison and slid off our own jeans. The two of us stood there – our nervous bodies shaking in front of each other. "Go on." Julia murmured as I nodded, reaching behind her back and fiddling with the straps of her bra. I couldn't seem to get the clasp to unhook – my shaking fingers were unable to get rid of it. A giggle escaped her lips as she reached her hands behind her. I could hear the strap unhooking, and I quickly looked into her eyes. I couldn't look down. I couldn't look at her chest and admire her. No – I wasn't that bad. She reached her hands down to my boxers and began to slide them off of me. My heart was beating out of my chest. Should we do this? I did love her. I had closed my eyes for less than a second before when I opened them, there she stood. Standing there with nothing on. We both were the same, neither of us wearing one thing. She had stepped back, against the wall as she stared nervously at me and nodded. I stepped one step closer, and reached my fingers to her, grabbing her tiny waist and pulling her against my body and wrapped my arms behind her. "I love you, Eli." She said so quietly, as she swallowed hard. "I trust you."

I brought my lips to hers and kissed her passionately. She tasted like raspberries and weed – probably my fault, but to me it was the most perfect combination. I brought my hands up to her face by sliding my hands gently up her body, and upped her face in my hands. She felt rough, but a good kind, a…sexy kind. And I knew I had her like putty in my hands, but I wasn't going to treat her like a vampire eating its prey. I was going to treat her like a gentleman, and love her as if she were an angel from heaven. I grazed my hand up and down her skin, we backed up against the wall and I was gentle, pressing my body against hers. She trembled, though it was not cold in the room. In fact, it was far from it, with our deep breathing and our bodies so close to each other. And then it hit me – I closed my eyes and bit my lip, swallowing hard.

"I'll be just a moment." I said as I quickly kissed her cheek and began to fast walk out the room. Into my parents room, and into Bullfrog's side table drawer. There I grabbed his box. His big box of condoms. I wasn't an idiot. I wasn't going to get the love of my life pregnant. I wasn't going to do something so stupid. I tried to get back to Julia as quickly as possible, ripping open the package and doing my best to slide it on. It felt like it was taking forever, my heart pounding at the thought of her waiting there for me naked against my bedroom wall. I had slid it on finally, and brought the box back into my bedroom. And when Julia noticed what I had just done, she began to laugh. But I knew she wasn't laughing at me – she was laughing with me. "Hush." I told her as I moved closer to her again and kissed her lips to shut her up, but I felt her giggling through our kiss, which was okay with me, because her giggle was perfect. It was lovely. It was – beautiful. I reached my hands down to her legs, and picked her up, wrapping her legs behind me. "Are you nervous?" I whispered. I was nervous as hell; I was fucking scared to death. I knew it was going to hurt her, and neither of us really knew what we were getting into, with no experience. The only reason I knew what to do was from grade seven health class and Playboy magazines.

"Yes." Julia practically hissed. "But I love you and I…" she couldn't finish her sentence because I had slowly entered her. Julia threw her arms around me as her breathing picked up. I wasn't even fully inside of her when I heard her begin to sob from the pain.

"Should I stop!" I stammered.

"No!" she yelled out nervously, burying her head into the crook of my neck. "I'll manage." She began to bite down hard on my skin, I suppose to stop the pain. I began to slowly move my hips, hoping she'd get into it soon, and her phase of pain would end.

Her hips began to buckle, and it all began.

Her breathing was out of control – as she gasped for breath and I heard it. A soft delicate moan coming from her lips. I began to go crazy and I gave her gentle thrusts, but more of them, faster, but not any harder. This was it. This was the moment. This was our moment. We were infinite. Her moans grew louder, and more of them. And I couldn't hold it back and longer – I responded to her moans with my own groans of pleasure.

"Oh Julia." I whimpered. Within seconds of my speech to her, her moans turned into screams, and I knew she was approaching her climax. I knew I was too.

"Eli." She screamed as she climaxed and gasped and gasped for air around us. I didn't know what to do, so I went with the flow and tried to get my intense beathing to slow and I let my climax come, releasing myself into the condom that I knew we were both glad I had put on. Julia moaned one last time before we both collapsed onto my bedroom floor. We both gasped for air, clinging to each other as I had pulled out of her. "Eli?" she whispered.

"Yeah?" I asked, out of breath.

"I love you."

"Oh Julia, I love you too."

We stared at each other for a good long time, when out of the blue, I blinked for one moment and her lips were crashed against mine.

And we did it all over again.

…

Emily didn't say anything to me. All she did was write down a few words onto her clip board. I could feel the awkward air lingering around us. I was supposed to tell her _everything _about my life, correct? Including the intense sex scenes the love of my life and I had. Miss Emily smiled a little, and looked back up from her clip board. "Did your parents ever find out about that?" she asked. I laughed, and nodded.

"Oh yeah, they found out about it." I said shaking my head and laughing louder. "It was the next morning, actually. And Julia had decided she was going to live with me for a while…."

…

She was upstairs, sleeping. She must've been worn out, _really _worn out. I was eating a bowl of Kellogg's frosted flakes at the kitchen table, with Bullfrog to my right, and CeCe to my left. Bullfrog had the newspaper covering his face, and CeCe had a cup of tea and a novel in front of her on the table, she practically had her nose in it. Suddenly, Bullfrog cleared his throat and put the newspaper down.

"CeCe," he said, raising an eyebrow. I took another spoon full of my cereal. "I couldn't find my box of latex, have you seen it?"

Cereal exploded out from my mouth. I realized it – I had forgotten to put it back. I had forgotten to put the fucking box back. The two parents stared at me, confused, as I put my spoon down and took off up the stairs, and grabbed the box of condoms, and quickly put it back in Bullfrog's drawer. I was careful not to wake Julia though while I ran in the room. I flew down the stairs, riding the banister on the way down as I sat back down at the table. The two of them stared me down and Bullfrog rose to his seat, slowly walking up the stairs and into his room. My heart was beating in my chest – almost as much as it was the night before. They were going to figure me out. They were going to figure it out. Bullfrog slowly walked down the stairs yet again, minutes later – yet it felt like hours. CeCe had a confused look on her face, but I think she knew what had happened. Neither of them said a word, as Bullfrog sat back down at the table.

"So uh," I whispered. "Julia's uh, going to uh, be uh, living here for a while." I took another spoonful of cereal.

"You fucked her last night didn't you." I practically choked on my cereal.

"Dad!" I yelled.

"Oh my God, you did. You had sex with Julia. Four times!" he grinned.

"Oh, my baby boy!" CeCe yelled.

"Guys, guys stop it." I tried to shut them up.

"I've got to get the camera!" CeCe cried, jumping up from the table and scurrying to the other room.

"Mom!" I yelled after her. I felt Bullfrog's hand begin to pat me on the back.

"Ah, son, we've been waiting forever for this moment! How'd you know what to do? Did you do good? Was she good?"

"_Dad!"_ I practically screamed, as CeCe ran back in with the camera and began to click the top of the camera taking several pictures of Bullfrog and I. "Mom, stop. Dad, just shut the fuck up. Both of you!" I yelled.

"Hello…?" I heard an angelic voice say as CeCe stopped taking pictures, and Bullfrog stopped asking awkward questions as we all turned our views to the stairs, to see Julia walking slowly down the stairs in one of my oversized _Panic! at the Disco_ t-shirts, rubbing her eyes like a little girl on Christmas. "You Goldsworthy's are loud in the morning…" she whispered. Within seconds both of my parents jumped up from the table and rushed over to Julia.

"Oh sweetie!" CeCe said with a grin.

"Jewels!" Bullfrog clapped his hands. "Was Eli good to you?"

"Oh baby boy, come get a picture with Julia!" CeCe yelled as she rushed over to me and grabbed me by the shoulders and pushing me over beside Julia. "Smile you two!"

"What's going on…?" Julia asked, she was probably still half asleep.

"Eli told us he got it in last night!" Bullfrog said, with a proud look on his face.

"I did not!" I yelled back, trying to defend myself.

"You what?" Julia asked. She didn't look mad, but she looked a little surprised.

"I didn't tell them anything, I swear."

CeCe began to take snapshots of the two of us awkwardly standing there. After a few moments, Julia looked over at me, and a laugh escaped her lips, which caused me to laugh. The two of us began to laugh our heads off, as I leaned in and gave her a kiss. CeCe continued to take pictures of us.

Good – we could keep them forever.


	8. That Green Gentleman

Summer had fallen upon us yet again. And we had finished Junior High and we were going to move on to high school. After Christmas break, Julia and I went back to being inseparable. We also went back to working on Morty once the snow had cleared out of the junkyard. It was all coming along pretty well. The two of us always together doing our favorite things, and her spending the night with me every night.

Her scent was intoxicating, and that was one of my favorite things about her. It was a delicious sweet smell. Like mangos, which were like her. Sweet, but with a bitter undertone. She was gently, kind and caring to me, but to anyone else she was a vicious and heartless monster that could take down anyone in her path.

And I guess that's why I loved her so much.

"Once you finish up the engine, I've got a surprise." Julia said, leaning in front of me against the hearse, while I put two chords together, seeing a spark come from the two.

"Okay, I'll work fast then." I laughed, trying with the chords again – a bigger spark came this time. "Go turn it on." I said, pointing to the inside of the hearse, as she scampered inside and began to put the key into the ignition. You could hear the sound of a car wanting to start – desperately wanting too – as she turned it several times. You finally could hear the click. And then the sweet sound of an old cars engine beginning again. "_Viola_!" I yelled, clapping my hands.

"Good job!" she congratulated, taking out the keys and climbing out. I suddenly felt her arms all around me in a big celebration hug. "Ready for a surprise?" I nodded as she moved over to our picnic basket, pulling out a plate of…

"Brownies?" I questioned.

"Not just any brownies…" she laughed. "Special brownies."

"So they're drugged."

"If you want to get official." She threw one into her mouth, and held one out to me. "They're good – try one." I reached out to take it, but for some reason…couldn't. The thought of doing something against the law was weird to me. I had never done anything relatively wrong even once in my life.

"But this is…illegal." I murmured.

"Stop being such a geek, and eat the damn brownie!" she commanded, taking my hand and placing the brownie into my palm. I stared at it. She wouldn't relent. There was no way to get out of this. "Eat it." She egged on. So I did it. I threw the damn weed brownie into my mouth and chewed. "That's my boy!" she squealed, throwing her arms around me again.

And that's really all I remember. The rest was a blur. A big confusing high blur. But it wasn't a onetime deal kind of thing. This became the new norm for Julia and I. She'd pick up some weed and all summer the two of us would chill in the hearse doing it as much as possible. Mondays through Wednesday's we'd smoke it. Then Thursdays through Saturday we'd fuse it into whatever we were eating. Nobody ever seemed to notice, anyway. Not CeCe, or Bullfrog, and definitely not Julia's mother. The two of us went back to being just with each other. A social life evidently resulted in a fight between us. Neither of us knew why that was, but after the first one, we didn't want to risk anything.

Another thing that was normal was Julia spending the night. It was as if she lived with us now, Julia's mother never noticed, and if she did – she didn't even care. Julia and I slept together almost every night. Other nights we'd sleep beside each other, but it was often weird that she and I weren't having sex with each other. Bullfrog always congratulated me, which was not only annoying, but awkward. But for some reason, Julia always found it adorable.

"If he ever treats you badly, Jewels, you let me know and I'll kick his ass." Bullfrog had told her right in front of me, one summer afternoon in the kitchen.

"Oh, I'll do that."

Everything Julia did or said was adorable to me. She was absolutely perfect –her hair, her eyes, her touch, her voice…she was magical.

We spent our entire summer fixing up Morty. The engine was done, so we just had to fix up the rest of the hearse. Replacing the windows, new tires, and a paint job. We figured that by January or February, he'd be all finished.

"Three years to finish him."

"No." I said. "Not necessarily. It took us two summers to get him this pristine, and give or take a few school months…"

"Just say three years, Eli."

I laughed. "Three years it is then."

It took us until the end of summer and early October to come up with the money to buy tires for him. And the windows were worse. We had to keep the tires at my place during winter though, so that they wouldn't pop during the snow.

…

"Maybe it's weird – I don't know, but every day when we'd sit in the hearse we'd discuss our wedding day. I wanted to marry her. She was everything I ever wanted. Everything I needed. She was everything I desired. She told me how she planned for the two of us to elope; all by ourselves in Niagara Falls or some ding-dong place, and nobody would really know we were married. But I voted otherwise. Yes, it was true I wanted a small wedding, but Bullfrog had to be there, CeCe had to be there. It's hard to imagine that the wedding I pictured with Julia was entirely different than how I was really married." I said, bringing a glass of water up to my lips and sipping.

"You're married, Eli?" Miss Emily asked me, with a glistening smile.

"It's…" I bit my lip. "We'll get there, eventually." I tried to smile. She nodded and motioned for me to continue. "Oh, we have more time? All right." I cleared my throat. "There were many times that Julia and I had sex, but none that I quite remember more than our first, and the one on Halloween night…"


	9. But It's Better If You Do

**Sorry this chapter is so short and it took so long! There was kind of a gap between our timeline, and I (Bea~) figured we needed a little more Julia x Eli smut. So, if you're not a smutty person, you might want to skip over this chapter, it's totally fine if you do also!**

**Wanna be a sweety and review? xoxo - Arielle and Bea~**

* * *

><p>"Spooky." I laughed, shaking my head as Julia continued to drag me on another one of her little ideas. Tonight was a trip to the graveyard. And what a night a year would be the spookiest? "So what are we going to do here, exactly?" There was a particular grave stone that I had seen times before. It was long, and made of a weird smooth like stone that had eventually eroded away, but was still smooth. Buried underneath the grave was Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Jacobson, who both died in each other's arms with bullets through each of their hearts, the two unable to live on any longer, and practically forced to kill themselves over loneliness. Or at least that's the story Julia and I had come up with on our usual trips to the home for the dead. I often read over the stone with their names on it on our visits.<p>

But on this night I was not reading the stone with their names on it. No, sir. I had sat upon it, like a bench, and Julia approached my with no words. She placed her hands on my knees and spread my legs apart slightly before stepping in the gap. Somehow, a light bulb went on in my head as if telling me what Julia wanted – if her intentions weren't clear enough already. I watched her every move, remaining silent and still for modesty. Finally, she kissed my lips slowly. Instantly I wanted her. I craved her body – her everything.

It was brief moments that do not need to be explained before we were both unclothed and my back was laid out against the stone, and Julia sat atop of me with her legs either side of my body. I could tell she wanted me as much as I wanted her. Her fingers always shake, and she seems to pant and whimper more often than she usually would. Julia's eyes were fixed on my upper body, her hands on my chest. I think she figured this was one of those nights where I would try and tease her, and look like a fool when I would too. She closed her eyes and shifted her body lower down on me. "Eli." She said quietly. "Why do you fuck me?" she asked. I was a bit taken aback by her question. I wasn't even expecting it.

"I don't fuck you, Julia." I said staring up at her. "I love you."

I don't know why that was my answer, but it just flowed so easily from my mouth, like the first time I told her I loved her – it came so easily, like it was just meant to be said. Julia's lips opened briefly, and she began to run her hands all over my chest. I suspected my answer was acceptable for her. I raised my hands and pulled on her waist, bringing her down to me. Her body pressed against my body – and I closed my eyes, to just think about the moment. I was about to have sex with the love of my life on a tombstone in a graveyard on Halloween. Did everyone do this? Or was this just for two messed up kids. _Probably just us._

_ "_Come on, Eli." She moaned out, so I did as she said. I nodded, using my hands to push her back, positioning her, as she sat quietly on top of me before I entered her. A gasp came immediately from her lips, then a small squeal, and her body shivered all over. But the squeal turned into a moan, which turned into almost screaming.

Even from the first time, whenever she's scream or cry, I'd think I was hurting her. But she's always tell my afterwards that it wasn't the case at all. Her cries are not to be taken as pain, but as pleasure. But it was hard, to be honest. To put the thought out of my head that she wasn't hurting from me.

"Eli!" she would yell over and over, pulling as hard as she could on my hair. If you looked at her, her eyes would be rolling into the back of her head, and her chest would be heaving (as would mine), in and out would go the breaths. And she's be panting like crazy – and it'd be beautiful.

"Ju…Juli…Julia…" I moaned out, and it wouldn't take long after I'd say her name for her to climax and we'd be over and done with it, to my dismay. But I'd follow right after her, and our bodies would collapse in a heap. Julia and I had this sort of 'ritual' that if we made love somewhere besides home, we would finish, then we'd both dress each other. I'd put on her underwear, she'd pull on my jeans. I'd put her black dress over her body, and she'd zip up my leather jacket. Then we'd go on with whatever we were doing.

And that's what came next.

…

"There was also another time where Julia and I found an old abandoned, broken down church, and we made it our place…taking spray paint and spraying a heart around our names onto one of the crumbling walls. It was there for years to come after that, and I wonder if it's still there today. I can't bear to go back there."

"Oh, Eli…" Miss Emily said as I finished up my sentence. "I'm very sorry. Our time is up now." I smiled a fake smile at her, a usual fake smile.

"Oh, that's all right, I'll see you on Monday, E'." I said, throwing her a nickname as I stood up from the seat and made my way towards the door. "Today was a great session." I said before I opened up the door and walked out, closing the door behind me. Once I was finally out, my smile was gone, and I went into a usual state of unhappiness after speaking about nights with my old lover.


	10. White Christmas

**Oh God, sorry this took so long guys, I had a really busy break and neither Arielle or I had time to do anything. I even tried to upload this on Christmas but I never got a chance to finish it up. My utmost apologies, but fear not! Chapter 11 will be posted later tonight or tomorrow! Ah, I'm so very sorry.**

**-Bea, xoxo. Could you very possibly review it for me? Thank you!**

* * *

><p>"Merry Christmas, Eli!" Was the first thing I heard when I woke up that morning, being showered with kisses all over my cheeks.<p>

"Julia…it's…" I glanced over at the alarm clock to my right and groaned. "Six in the morning."

"I know, you're supposed to get up early on Christmas!" she squealed.

"You're acting like a six year old," I murmured, trying to sit up – but I realized Julia was sitting on my lap, towering over me with a grin. "Okay, okay. I got you something do you want it?" I smiled as I heard Julia's laugh at my proposal.

"Do I want it? Yes! Where is it?" she asked, getting off of my lap quickly and practically dancing around my bedroom. When I didn't immediately get up and tell her where it is – she stopped, and made an unhappy pouty face at me. "Come on Elijah, don't be like that. Tell me where the damn present is!" I honestly couldn't help but smile at her. She was adorable. She was perfect.

"I'll give you a hint." I said, as I finally sat up in the bed. Julia stared at me with eyes wide. "It's up high, and it was the first place I took you when we were offici-" I didn't even get to finish my sentence, because in a moment she was out my bedroom door and in the bathroom, and I could hear her scrambling to climb out the bathroom window. "Julia!" I called, laughing, as I began to slip some boxers onto my legs and follow her out to the bathroom. "It's fucking snowing and you're going to climb out onto the roof in a t-shirt?" All I heard was a squeal and she was quickly backed inside, shivering her ass off as she slammed the window to the bathroom closed. "See?" Her arms were quickly wrapped around me, and she hugged me close.

"What is it, what is it?" she asked, as she pulled me back into the bedroom – no, I prefer to call it _our _room. It's a place for only Julia and me. Where we spend every night together. Sometimes fucking –sometimes just sleeping peacefully in each other's arms in love. I'm so glad I found someone like her to love me. I rolled my eyes at her, as if telling her to open it herself and find out. Her fingers quickly unwrapped the silver wrapping paper and she held the box in her hands, practically bouncing up and down. "Eli it's so cute!" she cried, taking out the small silver metal guitar pick attached to a long link chain. "Help me put it on?" she asked, and I nodded, taking the small necklace from her hands and bringing it behind her, and slowly linking the chain together around her neck. "How's it look?" she asked me.

"Perfect – just how I pictured it would." I told her, smiling happily down at my girl. I didn't think she'd get so excited over a silver necklace – but she did; she loved it.

"Your turn." Julia said, climbing onto the bed, and moving to the other side – my side, and leaning over and reaching under the bed, to get me a small box. A small box that you might think a wedding ring was inside. I raised my eyebrows curiously as the box was then in my hands. "I'm afraid you won't like it." She murmured, as I began to open the box. The first thing I saw was the chain, and I knew it was also a necklace. But on the chain was the gift. It was a skull – I guess she knew I'd like that. Skulls and death? They've become my thing. Around the skull was several roses intertwined through the mouth of the skull and around the bones. "Do you hate it?" she asked, studying my face.

"No, of course not." I said, glancing at her, sitting in front of me with a worried expression. "I like it. It's me." Julia practically grinned at me, and wrapped her arms around my neck, bringing me in close and planting a kiss on my lips. "Merry Christmas, Julia."

"Merry Christmas, Elijah."

The two of us spent the entire day with CeCe and Bullfrog, opening gifts that they had bought for us. Mine was mostly band t-shirts from Bullfrog, and gift cards from other family members from around Canada. CeCe got Julia some pajamas – because she was sick of seeing her come downstairs wearing my t-shirts every day without any underwear on underneath. It made me smile, the thought of Julia and I sleeping beside each other every night. As much as you might think, some nights weren't sexual. Some nights we'd sing to each other. Others, we'd watch scary movies on my lap top, and she'd burry her head in my side – pretending to be scared out of her mind to humor me. With other people, Julia always did her best to be the scariest bitch you could ever meet – wearing only black, her hair always hanging down in front of her eyes, and just generally acting like a horrible bitch to everyone. But with me, it was never that way. Around me, Julia was almost like a child, giggling and excited about anything. She had her moments, when she was mature – wanting to smoke weed, begging me to try another drug with her, and me telling her no. She always wanted to be the first person to do something, always wanting to try something new.

"You're wearing it to bed?" she questioned, as I undressed and climbed into our bed.

"Yeah, why not?" I shrugged, as pulled off one of my t-shits and moved in naked beside me. "It's not like it's going to strangle me in my sleep." I chuckled, wrapping my arm around her waist. She leaned her head against my chest and sighed. "Did you have a nice Christmas?" I asked her. I was answered with a nod and a small noise telling me yes. "I did too. You made it lovely."

"Lovely?" she laughed quietly. "Oh, Elijah, I make everything lovely." I laughed along with her.

"Very true." I agreed. "You've made my entire life lovely." That was the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. If I was in court that would be probably the one thing I could say that I'd know was completely one-hundred percent true. That I was in love with Julia Moore, and she changed my life. She made me who I was then. She also made me who I am today. Julia Moore was always the last thing I thought about before I went to bed, and every morning the first thing I thought about. I dreamed about her, I fantasied about her, I couldn't ever stop loving her. I absolutely adored Julia Moore. I hated absolutely everything that tried to keep the two of us apart, and I loved everything that would bring us together, whether it was something good, or something completely bad. I'd do anything Julia would tell me to do, and I know she'd do the same for me. Sometimes now though, I wish I had never met the messy haired black-dressed girl because the aftermath caused me so much pain. The shit I had to go through after… after what happened to her. Sometimes the even very thought of her pains me. It makes me want to die inside. I just wish what happened, didn't have to happen.


	11. Always

**As promised, here is the next chapter, please, review! Thank you! Also, after chapter 12, this story will officially turn into eclare. I hope this doesn't turn anyone away from the story, but bring new readers, possibly? Thank you, and again, please review!**

* * *

><p>"Good afternoon, Eli. How are you?" Miss Emily asked me. She was wearing her usual cheery smile, her light brown hair hung a little ways past her shoulders, curled at the ends. Her smile was always warm and inviting, and even though I had been telling her practically my life story, I didn't trust her. I knew it was her job to make me feel welcome and loved, and for me to be able to tell her anything. But I couldn't. For some reason I just didn't want too.<p>

"I'm good, thank you." I said quietly as she situated herself in her chair. "Today is one of the saddest parts in my story, Miss Emily, so if I begin to cry, please don't look down upon me?"

"Oh, no, of course not, Eli, you don't have to worry about that. You tell me anything you need too, and there are tissues here for a reason." There was the warm smile again.

"Great." I nodded in response. "Well, it was our year and nine months. April 22nd, 2009. I decided that maybe I should finally meet her mother. And though I despised Mrs. Moore more than I despised Justin fucking Bieber I felt it was necessary for me to do this for her. I loved Julia, and I knew this would mean a lot to her. I remember it completely."

…

"Oh, Elijah, you look so cuuuuuute!" CeCe cried, messing with my hair and fixing my red bow tie. "You're going to love Mrs. Moore, and Mrs. Moore is going to absolutely adore you!"

"Mom…" I said, batting her hands away. "You might not have noticed, but I'm not exactly excited to be going tonight. I don't exactly like Julia's mother. I thought you knew that." My mother shook her head and handed me a bouquet of white roses, she instantly shoo'd me out the front door for me to walk there by myself. It didn't take very long – it never does, to walk to Julia's. It's two streets over, four houses down. I've never actually been inside, but Bullfrog had dropped her off a few times, and on occasion I'd walk her home from school in grade 8. Twelve minutes later, I was there. My fingers nervously ringing the doorbell. Then she answered. Oh, God, she looked so fucking beautiful. She had straightened her hair, which she had never done before, and it was long, and dark brown. She wore a long, tight fitted silver dress, and she laughed at me – a sweet laugh – when she answered the door.

"Why on earth are you wearing a bowtie?" she asked, leaning forward and kissing my cheek, taking the flowers from my hands. The flowers matched her perfectly. "These are lovely. Why don't you come inside?" I did as she asked, walking inside. And then there she was. Mrs. Moore. I tried to see beautify in her, pull out the parts of her I saw in Julia, but it must've been my spite and already hatred for her that wouldn't let me. "This is my boyfriend Elijah. Elijah, this is Angela." I was disgusted inside, and shaking her hand made my stomach churn. I bet she's hit Julia with that hand. _My Julia. _

"Nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Moore." I lied. She nodded.

"Yes, after almost two years I finally get to meet the famous Elijah Goldsworthy." Angela scoffed. "All I ever hear; Elijah this, Eli that-"

"Angela!" Julia cried, touching her arm lightly. "Could we go eat now?"

They walked into the dining room, and I followed, but I wasn't paying much attention. I was too busy focusing on the fact Julia just called her own mother by her first name.

"Julia…" I whispered, pulling her aside.

"Yes, dear?"

"Why did you just call your mother Angela?"

Julia's face fell, and she gulped – but she somehow forced a smile. "I'll tell you later." I didn't argue with her, but wheels were turning in my head. There had to be some reason why she was calling her Angela. I sat down in the dining room, ant the large table, after I pulled out a chair and helped Julia sit. "So what's for dinner, Angela?' Julia asked, smiling again.

"Leftover pizza your dad didn't finish. I wasn't in the mood to make anything, or go pick something up." Every moment seemed to disappoint Julia, as her expression changed to hurt this time.

"Oh." She whispered.

"I'll go get it." Angela said, leaving the room.

"Will you tell me now?" I asked, after her mother was out of an earshot.

"Must I?" I nodded. Julia sighed. "Angela…is, she's…my uh, step mother?" I tilted my head, instantly confused. What was going on, and why hadn't I known that information sooner?

"What?" I questioned.

"Angela is not my mother." She repeated.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I didn't think you'd care." Angela walked in again, carrying a box of pizza, that was obviously leftovers. There were 3 slices left, and each went on our plate – cold, and flavorless. But I was too busy trying to comprehend Julia not telling me something so important because she thought I wouldn't care. I didn't know what I was supposed to think about that – or anything about this meal for that matter.

"So, Eli.." Angela began, as she took a sip of her wine, which sat nicely in front of her. She had finished her pizza, and was now beginning to drink, which I knew was going to be bad. "Do you and Julia fuck?"

"Angela!" Julia screamed. "That's not your business!"

"As your step mother it is," Julia's 'mother' was her step mother. Julia never talked about her father, or any bit of her family. All I knew was Mrs. Moore beats Julia. "Well?" she repeated. "Do you?" Julia looked at me nervously – a begging look in her eyes telling me to say no to her. But something irked me.

"Yes." I said sternly. "I make love to her often." Julia's mouth hit the floor at my answer. I was in deep shit now. "I really love Julia, and I have for a while now."

"I'm sure you do. Teenage love is always so… _real._" Angela replied, full on sarcasm and an eye roll to go along with it.

"Well, it is. And I ought to thank you."

"Thank me?" she questioned.

"Thank her?" Julia said eyes wide.

"Yes." I began, glaring at Mrs. Moore from across the table. "If it weren't for you beating Julia, we would've never had our first kiss. And if it weren't for you pushing her down the stairs, we would've never made love. So thank you, Mrs. Moore. Thanks. Thanks a lot for beating the love of my life, because all you've done is brought us closer together."

"Eli!" Julia screamed, standing to her feet in anger. "What do you think you're doing!"

"I'm speaking my mind, what does it look like I'm doing!" I yelled back.

"You can't talk to my step mother like that, are you fucking crazy? She might not be my favorite, but you have to respect her!"

"Respect her!" I practically laughed. "Julia I can hardly look at her without thinking of all the shit she's done to you! I could kill her, she's a bitch! I'm sorry Julia – but I can't stand her, okay?" Things became silent after that. Angela just stared at me in shock and Julia was on the verge of tears. I couldn't help it. I couldn't help not yelling those things at Mrs. Moore. She deserved to hear that, no matter what punishment I received from Julia, because I knew I'd receive something.

"Well," I heard Mrs. Moore say, before she stood from the table and looked at Julia. "This has been quite the disaster. I don't approve of this boy, Julia." Julia's expression changed from a look of anger – to a look of disappointment and hurt. She stared down at her silvery glistening flats and I could see a few tears dripping down her cheeks. I wanted to hold her. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave now, Eli." I stood from my seat and began to walk away from the table I was a failure. Before I could walk out the door for myself, Julia was gone. She had grabbed her coat from the staircase and took off out the front door. And it was as if now my life was a movie, and I had to go out and chase after the girl. I quickly walked out the door, and found her already pedaling down the street on her bike, and for some reason I began to panic. I started running – fast. I was sprinting down the street to her, and I finally caught up, stopping her from pedaling, and finding her in tears on her bike.

"Angela hates you, Eli…" she said through tears, while I helped her off of her bike. "I can't be with you. I can't do this if she hates you."

"After all this time?" I asked, my voice was getting loud for some reason, almost yelling, and I could see her cringe. "After all this time, this is what will tear us apart?" More tears poured down her cheeks. "Don't cry!"

"I have too, Eli! This is it! We're over now! You screwed up!"

"We can sneak around, Julia – we can do anything we want too." She shook her head, and I knew things were crumbling fast. "I can't be without you, Julia."

"She hates you…if she catches me, she'll hurt me more, Eli and you know it." She began to back away from me, and I stood beside her bike yelling at her.

"I won't let her, I promise!"

"Just stop, Eli! This is it!" She said it again – _this is it. _"This is what tears us apart." I mouthed the words no to her, my eyes practically begging her to stop. "Yes, Eli." She shook her head again. "You're making it worse…you're making it harder. Please, just let it go. Let _us_ go!"

"F…Fine!" I yelled, and her expression changed. I reached up to the necklace with the small skull with roses through it she had bought me for Christmas and put my fingers around it, yanking it off in one pull. I held it up in front of me and I shook my head. "Fine, Julia. I'll forget it. I'll forget all about us. I'll try to erase all the memories of us and just pretend you never existed. I'll forget about the love of my life because I messed up one time!" I took the necklace and I threw it. I threw it hard too, it went over her head and across the street, landing in bushes far away. Julia wiped tears from her eyes and nodded, almost like she approved.

"Good…Eli, I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

"No, you're not! If you're sorry, you'd try with me. You'd not make us end our relationship here."

"No, Eli, I am, I promise. I can't…I…" she struggled with her words, as she continued to back up, finally leaving the sidewalk and walking into the road – but I didn't even notice. "I'm so sorry."

"Fight with me. Run away with me. We can be together, Julia. I love you."

"Eli I-"

Before she could finish her words, there was a bright light. And it shone so brightly in the darkness around us. The only thing that I could see her through before was the moonlight and a nearby streetlamp, but now I could see her perfectly. She was wearing makeup, and all the mascara had dripped down her face, her view turned to the light coming, but I continued to look at her. Her eyes grew wide, and before I could even blink, there came a loud honk sound, and Julia's body hit the floor, a car had hit her. _And it was my fault._

"Julia!" I cried, as the car skidded to a stop a little ways off, and out came an older woman, panic stricken. "Julia, no!" I yelled, rushing to her side, and grasping her body in my arms. Now I finally would be able to hold her. "Oh God, no, Julia, please, say something." Her eyes were barely open, and I quickly felt for a pulse. There was one, but it was barely beating. "Julia stay with me." I begged. The woman started screaming in horror when she saw me holding Julia's broken body. I barked at her to call an ambulance, and she did as she was told. "Julia, please, don't go yet. It's not your time. It's not your time." I cried, and I soon felt the warm feeling of tears streaming down my cheeks – and found myself sobbing about the whole situation. "Say something, please."

"Eli…" Julia choked out, grasping the bowtie of my ensemble. A soft worried smile came to my lips as I stared down at her.

"Oh, God, Julia, you stay with me – the ambulance will be here soon."

"No, Eli…it's okay…" she whispered, I shook my head. "Remember, what I…what I told you?" I shook my head again. "_I could care less what's bad for me or not. We're all going to die one day, and if I die from toxins influenced from a sharpie – so be it. That's how I'm supposed to die._" I wiped a tear from my eye and nodded. That's what brought us together. "This is how I'm supposed to die, Eli. I can feel it."

"No." I said sternly. "You can't go. I need you." I could see tears pouring down her cheeks, almost as much as I was crying. She shook her head, and I thought she was right for a moment. I actually believed her. "But I'll be nothing without you, I won't have you anymore." Her hand inched up, slowly, shaking, and I knew she was in pain from the look on her face, as she unclasped the necklace around her neck and began to hold it out to me. "No…Julia…"

"I want you to keep it…to remember me by."

"But how could I forget you?"

The look in her eyes told me she was about to go, and I needed to use these seconds quickly to my advantage. "Kiss me." She said softly, and I did as she ordered. I leaned in close – and I pressed my lips to hers. I was crying through the whole thing. The few moments it lasted felt like a lifetime – which was good, but horrible at the same time. It was a bittersweet final kiss. "Eli?"

"Yes?" I urged her, staring into her big dilated blue orbs.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

…

"And she was gone." I said quietly, staring at my hands, as I looked at Miss Emily, my eyes watery, and the whole room blurred. "Just like that, the love of my life was gone. The ambulance came, but it was too late – but they took her back to the hospital, and I didn't tag along. For some reason I knew it was okay, or things were going to be okay for the moment they were. I walked back home, with the necklace in my hands, shaking it ever so often to hear the clinking of it in my hands. I tried to act like it didn't affect me. But I would break down in tears on the side of the road every few minutes, and have to pick myself up and tell myself it would be okay eventually. I had to believe that. There was that sort of numb feeling that I guess everyone has after they've lost someone close to them, and it happened to me. It was a numb feeling. I remember at the funeral, everyone was crying except me. I feel like I had shed all my tears. It went on like that for weeks…the numb feeling." I very quietly picked at a fingernail and sighed. "I lost the only person that meant something to me that night – and it was…it was…" I glanced up at Miss Emily and saw her looking sympathetically at me. "It was fucking awful." Before Miss Emily could put her clipboard to the side, I had raised to my feet, and sniffled a little. "Our session is probably over, right?" I asked, running a hand through my black mess. "I'll show myself out."

"Wednesday, Eli, don't forget." Was all I heard, her small voice saying, as I was walking down the hallway.


End file.
